Everyone says motherhood is so rewarding & so fulfilling and they are right, it is. But sometimes it can feel like the hard times come more often than the good ones with all the lack of privacy, freedom & then there’s sleep deprivation getting in the way. I’ve had my challenges & my break downs like every other mom but recently I had the very best moment ever that makes it all more than worth it.
The other evening I was in bed with my little man playing. I could tell he was getting exhausted so I started to sing. I gently rubbed his ear, his cheeks, his nose, his fingertips while he stared directly into my soul. This was one of those “Jesus is real” moments that happen every so often but are so powerful. He was smiling but in the middle of my singing he began to pout. I thought maybe he hated it when he started grinning again and then back and forth he went from pouting to grinning. I realized he was trying not to cry. He had tears that were forming in his eyes while he stared. Pouting & grinning, pouting & grinning. Then I realized I was tearing up myself. He grabbed my cheek & then closed his eyes. Tears on his cheek. He was asleep.
Best moment ever.
He’s only 10 months old. He can’t say I love you yet. I’m not even sure if he knows my name. But in that moment I really believe he was telling me he loved & adored me. The only thing a human being wants in this world is to be loved & adored. I have found my purpose.