There were a lot of things I said I would never do as a parent before baby & the list just got lengthier once I found out I was pregnant. First time expecting moms are probably the most naïve because we don’t know any better. All that we know is that whether we are 6 weeks in or 9 months; we have in fact experienced motherhood. What we have not experienced though is a screaming toddler in the middle of a busy grocery line that we are stuck directly in the middle of. I think we can all agree that once upon a time, we didn’t know any better.
Looking back at myself I have to laugh. I had the best of intentions but zero experience. I was INSTANTLY attached to the growing fetus inside of me & began planning the type of mother I would be almost right away. I had plans & rules & even told the grandmas that TV wouldn’t be allowed. I made car playlists made up of the cheesiest, most obnoxious family road trip songs out there. I planned to be the most organic, diy, Betty Crocker mom anyone has ever seen & turned into a Betty Crock of shit.
Here is just a small list of the things that I said I would & would never do that I give ZERO ***** about now.
I lectured Jake & our parents the entire pregnancy about the importance of organic products, diapers & food for our child. The best part about this was that the entire time I was lecturing them, I was stuffing my face with McDonalds fries & processed honey.
It didn’t take long for me to realize just how costly living organically would be. Sure there are the occasional foods & bath products we choose to splurge on for the organic benefits but my son has been wearing pampers from the start and he’s still living.
Anti Co Sleeping
If there was one thing I was SURE would never happen after baby it was that we would not be a co sleeping family. It’s almost laughable how anti co sleeping I actually was. This is a debate that’s been ongoing for American families for a while now…. For many years it was pronounced dangerous & hazardous & today is now said to be the number 1 precaution you can take to protect your child from SIDS.
Co sleeping just happened for us right away. It wasn’t planned or intentional. Clearly since I was so against it. But looking back now I realize that most of the anti co sleeping advice I got was from health care professionals who didn’t have children of their own. Not to take away from their knowledge and professional opinion. Luckily, for new parents there are tons of new products on the market to help create a safer co sleeping atmosphere. You can read more about my experience with co sleeping and why I made the decision to co sleep Here
This one is a hard one for me to acknowledge cause I struggle with wanting to raise a child who isn’t reliant on cartoons or a tablet to self soothe. I still cringe every time I turn on Mickey & I beat myself up every time I surrender my phone in the middle of a grocery line. The truth is, this was one of those things I couldn’t understand before having a child of my own. I remember babysitting with an old boyfriend awhile back. We both were disgusted at the fact that this 3 year old could not go to bed without his tablet and joked how “our” children would never be so brainwashed. The truth is as adults we ourselves are brainwashed. We can’t raise our children in a technology free world if we ourselves are not technology free.
Now with that being said, parenting is hard. And as parents we kind of just wing shit till we get the response we are looking for. We learn as we go & make mistakes, a lot of mistakes along the way. In the society we live in today; most families have 2 fulltime working parents working a minimum of 40 hour work weeks on top of raising children, keeping a clean home, personal life & love life thriving, laundry done, church on Sunday & dinner on the table every night. There is only 24 hours in a day so naturally as parents we cut corners where we can. We bring in anything to help make our lives just a little easier including whatever it is that keeps our children occupied while we take a ****.
So to the mommas in the grocery line, multitasking life’s responsibilities while your children sit quietly glued to Elmo on Youtube…. ” I see you, I get you.”
Keeping it Clean
I made multiple kid friendly music playlists & had every intention to play only Christian music in the car…………… That ship has sailed. We now only care if it’s the clean version of “wanna be a balla.”
No Formula Allowed
Breast feeding has become this huge epidemic in it’s own. You have breast feeding moms against non-breast feeding moms & vice versa like every other parenting debate; but this is something different. Nowadays with moms posting their breast feeding selfies & proud captions it’s hard not to feel encouraged to breast feed & ashamed when you are unable to. Other moms, nurses & doctors push breastfeeding because they want you to experience the benefits but what no one tells you is that it doesn’t always matter how high your determination is, it isn’t easy. & It isn’t actually always possible. Some never see their milk come in. Some babies just don’t latch. I hid the loss I felt over not being able to breast feed pretty well because I more or less just gave up. My son wouldn’t latch & exclusive pumping was too much for a full time working mom who was about to switch careers. When I was pregnant I was sure I would be a breast feeding mom & it’s not that I was against formula it’s just that I wanted what everyone else had who experienced it. I wanted all the benefits for my son I wanted the financial benefits for our family. But I learned quickly like life, motherhood doesn’t always go as planned. And do you want to know what? My son is healthy and thriving today.
We all have that Pinterest board titled “Future Babies Fashion” that’s filled with pictures of mini fashionistas & children that have better style & more clothing options than we do. I totally planned to send my son to daycare dressed to impress every day and now I send him to grandmas wearing mismatched socks & last night’s pajamas.
I think I am speaking for most all moms when I say that once upon a time I had plans to fit back into my old jeans & rock them every day. In other words I had ZERO intentions in wearing leggings and not brushing my hair on the reg. Listen I would love to be looking my best for my man and my child every evening. Maybe someday I will get there but for now I am doing the best I can with the time I got. Can I get an AMEN.
Homemade Dinner Every Night
Ok this one I look back at & almost get embarrassed with myself. I never cooked. I mean sure here and there I can conjure up something decent with a protein & some veggies but I don’t cook. So why I thought that I would have a homemade meal- hot, ready & on the table every night for my family AFTER A BABY I honestly have no clue! A for effort though right?
So I’m not perfect. In fact, motherhood has been a real eye opener to just that. But I strive to be loving & always there for my son. I strive to keep him safe in every way possible. To love him unconditionally & make sure he is well aware of my love. To give him the best life in the best way I know how which is through encouragement, guidance, tough love & as much patience as I can muster. I strive to be good mom. Not a perfect mom, a good mom.