Becoming a stay-at-home mom was a big dream of mine when I had our first child. But just that – a dream – and not something that I ever though would actually happen. I loved our daughter so much and hated taking her to daycare. I cried, I became distracted in the office, and I hated every single workday. My sweet husband sat down with me, and we worked on a plan for me to cut my hours down to part-time. I was so excited! I thought this was as close to being a stay-at-home mom that I would ever be and I was so grateful. But if I knew then what I know now, I could have stayed home from the beginning.

To preface, I don’t believe that every single person has the ability to be a stay-at-home mom. Everyone’s situation is unique. I am abundantly blessed to be in this position today! But it’s not because we make more money (we make less now than we did when we first got married; with 2 kids and another on the way!). We made some lifestyle changes and have stuck with them to make this work. It was a multi-year process; I’ll give you a glimpse of our journey.

Part-time for the first time

As I mentioned, after our first child was born, we made cuts to our budget to allow me to work part time at 30 hours a week instead of 40. This gave me early afternoons with our daughter to take walks, go to the park, or just enjoy time together at home. I loved it! But it still wasn’t ideal. I wanted to be home with her all the time. I wanted to witness her growth milestones in person rather than through the words of her daycare teacher. This is a great time to mention that she did have wonderful daycare teachers! This post is not meant to insult them at all. Though I couldn’t be at home full time yet, this move to part time was the catalyst for the future. I would never go back to full time work after this – it wasn’t even something we had to discuss. My husband knew where my heart was, and we were determined to make this work.

After our second child was born, we moved a few counties east and needed to pick up new jobs. I was lucky enough to work out a fully remote job with my previous employer; my husband found a totally different, and better paying job. The draw back to my remote job was a cut in hours. I would now only work 20 hours a week instead of 30. We initially wondered how it would all work out, but keeping our children at home while I worked was still more financially sensible than me working 40 hours a week just to cover daycare. I’d love to tell you that those days were filled with so much joy, but they were nothing but stress. I couldn’t balance the demands of constantly being available for both my job and my children. There were so many days of tears and frustration from everyone involved. I thought it would get better; that I just needed time to adjust. Two years of this stress proved to me that working from home just wasn’t a fit for our family. Demands in my husband’s job had changed too, and so we decided to make yet another job change.

Working opposite shifts

This final work change absolutely changed everything in our home, and not for the better. I decided to give night work a try. I have always struggled with sleeping well at night anyway, so to me it made sense to work at nights. I took an overnight retail job that worked with my husband’s schedule. One of us would always be available to be home with our kids while the other could work without distractions. This meant I was no longer using my degree, but I really enjoyed the physical labor and it was relatively stress free.

I really wanted this to work, but physically I couldn’t maintain the schedule of work all night, watch kids all day, crash for a few hours and repeat. I struggled to maintain homeschool routines without falling asleep, and my husband was left to deal with fixing dinner every night so that I could sleep (he is a master outdoors with the grill and smoker, but nightly dinners in the kitchen are not his forte). Our home life was flipped upside down with us trying to cover responsibilities for each other. Ultimately, I only made it 8 months at this job before landing myself in the hospital due to stress on my heart.

Stay at Home Mom – Fulltime

Only a few days after our hospital visit, my husband and I decided it was time for me to leave the workforce for good. On paper, we had very narrow margins, but we were determined to make it work and had peace that this was the path God had in store for our family. I put in my two weeks’ notice and began to make preparations financially for the new life that was to be ours.

Staying at home is everything I ever wanted, but it’s not everything I ever dreamed. There’s something about working that makes you very aware of how short 24-hours a day is; staying at home all the time doesn’t have that pressure. It’s really up to you to stay focused and motivated to do all the things. That’s not to say this life is bad. It’s a blessing! But I’ve learned a lot in the last 6 months about the discipline required to stay productive and not spend all my time idle. I’ve learned a lot about how my own time management effects my children’s day. I’ve learned that being a successful housewife and homemaker is real work and requires real effort. And I’ve learned that I’ve still got a long way to go.

If you’re the mom still waiting and hoping for the day that you too will get the chance to stay home, I hope that our story offers a glimmer of hope. It didn’t happen overnight for us, and it may not happen overnight for you either. Most of the time big life changes are the result of many small changes over the course of years (over 6 years for us!). Know that you don’t have to be a stay-at-home mom to be a great mom – you can be exactly what your children need right where you are today!